There are certain things that one has to pre-emptively say no to: Rides on dark roads from strangers. Dalliances in prison holding cells. Movies and television shows about vampires.
I really, really (really, really, really) cannot take Twilight, True Blood, and their ilk, with their emo camp and sensitive-guy pathos. They make me want to scream, Get on with it and suck her blood, already! Which is kind of too bad, since Alan Ball’s previous t.v. show is my favourite, ever.
Thanks, though, to a rant in New York‘s Vulture I now know why. Because they are castrati vampires, emasculated monsters:
Think of the message here: What is the consequence of falling in with a Romantic vampire? Death, either yours or his. What is the consequence of falling in with the Castrati vampire? Long and torturous (at least to everyone around you) conversations about feelings. This is not what really happens when you fall in with attractive monsters.
Which is totally true. A template for a better, more historically accurate vampire, says Brian McGreevy, is Don Draper, star of my second-favourite show, ever. You can imagine Don Draper, no, sexy, seductive, sucking your blood?